August 31, 2011
Oh, what the hell

DOUG FORD: You know, a city with a development plan’s like a mule with a Ferris wheel. No-one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it.


DOUG FORD: The name’s Ford, Doug Ford, and I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest… ahhh, it’s no use. It’s more of a Mississauga idea.

JOSH MATLOW: Now wait just a minute. We’re twice as tired of partisan bickering as the people of Mississauga. Just tell us your idea, and we’ll vote for it!

DOUG FORD: All right, I tell you what I’ll do - I’ll show you my idea! [unveils a model] I give you the new Toronto waterfront, complete with monorail! I’ve heard they have monorails in Putrajaya, Wuppertal, and the Chiang Mai Zoo, and by gum it put them on the map! [reveals map] Well, sir, there’s nothing on earth like a downtown hotel and mall connected by a monorail. What’d I say?


DOUG FORD: What’s it called?


DOUG FORD: That’s right, monorail!

CROWD [chanting]: Monorail. Monorail. Monorail…

FRANCES NUNZIATA: Won’t construction costs set this up to fall?

DOUG FORD: The private sector will build it all!

JONATHAN GOLDSBIE: Is there a chance it could run a debt?

DOUG FORD: Well, it hasn’t run one yet!

GARY WEBSTER: What about my essential-service slobs?

DOUG FORD: We’ll contract out low-paying no-strike jobs!

MIKE LAYTON: Were you sent here by your brother?

DOUG FORD: No, we both come from our mother.

GIORGIO MAMMOLITI: My Dyke March videos got thrown away.

DOUG FORD: Here’s some Girls Gone Wild to get through the day! I swear Toronto doesn’t have a choice, so throw up your hands and raise your voice!

CROWD: Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!

DAVE MESLIN: About the Jarvis bike lanes, I was hopin’—

SUE-ANN LEVY: Cram it, commie, Ford Nation’s spoken!

CROWD: Monorail! Monorail! MONORAIL!

ROB FORD: Mono— d’oh!

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    sirilyan is a genius! Also, click here to watch the vid if you’ve forgotten the original song (tsk tsk) DOUG FORD: You...
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